How To Hook A Skeptical Hook'er

I have always been an impatient reader. I love to read but unless a book hooks me right away, I’m in trouble. When I was a kid, I stuck to the authors and series I liked. But as I got older, went to college, and explored other literary genres, I found it takes a lot to hook me. Once an author does hook me, I’m in it to win it. It’s getting there—the foreplay—that has me stuck with a stack of unfinished books on my nightstand.

Besides my children’s endless whining and need to eat, there are several things that cause me to put down a book:

Lame start—I read a writing book once that said to make sure and talk about the weather. It was so important to talk about the weather the author mentioned it twice. I stopped reading the book at that moment, in fact, I can’t even remember the title.

The use of weather and setting to start a story can be fantastic, deep, symbolic, and almost become a character all its own, but it has been done too many times. Or the fantasy start with the dark figure slipping into the tavern with a bunch of ruffians slamming down grog—please don’t.

Slow start—No sleeping, waking up from sleep, dream, vacuuming the floor . . . . Unless it is important to the story and moves it forward—skip it. Get us to the meat. I take mine medium rare.

Pompous—There's a famous author who is quite successful because he manipulated an already famous story. He was quite clever and had me at hello just off the idea of his book. I loved the original story so I jumped in and read his version. The trouble was, he used big arse words that came off with an air of hoity toitiness that crept under my skin and stayed for good.

Keep it simple, right? Don’t work too hard to be clever or smart with your writing. Write clean, tight prose that grabs me by the eyeballs and won't let go. I’m not saying don’t build your vocabulary; I’m saying be smart about it.

Too much too soon—Hook me. Don’t overwhelm me with too much of anything, especially characters.

Prologue—I usually skip prologues and go right for the chapter. If they are short, I’ll give them a go, but I’m not a fan, especially when they seem like they are used as a ploy.

Following trends—If you force yourself to write the next vamp book or wizard book because it’s hot, be careful. I think it is hard to find the right genre. I started out writing women’s fiction, switched to suspense, now I’m thinking I belong in sci-fi/fantasy. Tomorrow I may think I’m the next erotica superstar—or not.

Also, just because a person reads a lot in one genre doesn’t mean that’s their writing home. I have a friend who loves reading Adult fantasy, but she excels in YA Contemporary.

If you must follow the trend because you are so passionate about it make sure you make it your own.

Boring—Don’t really need to explain this, but . . . If you are interested in landing an agent, start with action. Now that doesn’t mean Karate kid type action, although what book couldn’t use a one legged crane kick, right?

Get down to it. Who is the MC? What do they want? Blah blah blah. Don’t meander through weighty weather descriptions or chatty dialogue. What's the story?  

Characters are lackluster—It seems like there is an abundance of snarky women leads out there and I’m getting tired of it. I like me some sass, but lately, it comes off as cliché. Is sarcasm the only thing that makes females interesting? I know a lot of great women who are as far from this type of character as they come. They are deep, kind, mysterious, complicated, funny, but their quick tongues don’t rule them. Women aren’t all bitches, some are hook’ers too.

Same goes for blah characters. Liven them up with flaws, give them personality, put them in a pile of muck and let us see how they get out of it. I don't know. Do something. Make us root for them.

P.O.V. problems—I’m not a huge fan of first person present tense or third person omniscient. I’ll try to get through it, but if there are too many shifts or annoying things going on with the pov, I’m done. Whiny kids. Dinner to cook. Bottle of Jack to drink.

Watch your I’s and Me’s too. She’s and he’s in third. This is hard, I know, but it can mess up the flow.

Flowery—same as pompous in a way. Don’t try too hard. Write tight and clean and don’t bog me down with unnecessary description. If the lamp isn’t important to the story, don’t tell me about it. I don’t care about the lamp. I care about the character—or at least, hope to.

Tone—read aloud. Hopefully you can catch issues with tone.  

Pacing—too fast. Too slow. Inconsistent.

Telling vs. Showing—I have a few words that really bug me. Felt, know, believe, see/saw, etc. “She felt his arm brush against her boob.” (Gotta add in the boobs. I am a hook'er after all.) “His arm grazed her . . .” Besides the telling aspect of it, in many cases those words are simply unnecessary and clutter up writing. It is important to reveal your character through their actions and experiences.

Simply saying, "she was devastated by the loss of her father," is okay but I want to see/feel/experience that for myself. I don’t want to know that I’m reading a book. I want to live it. Show devastation. Trust your reader and always resist the urge to explain. R.U.E. the day, people.

Names—this is pretty minor, but names are important. I don’t like overly unique names, unless it is for a reason. I remember listening to a book on CD once and the narrator butchered the name. I don't think it was necessarily her fault, since the name was ridiculous, but hell-o editing. It was distracting and embarrassing for the writer and narrator.

The name has to fit. Also watch out for trendy names. Occasionally I will pop over to Query Tracker and read the threads and offer feedback. I changed the name of one of my characters after reading four other stories with the same name as my MC.

Dialogue—I like strong dialogue with minimal tags and just enough action. I also can’t stand it when an action is confused with a tag. “Don’t touch me,” she sighed. “I hate you,” she snarled.

I’ve read and heard people talk about how “said” is one of those invisible words. I agree to an extent—if used sparingly. When it isn’t, it is as blatant as a thump on the head. A good test for your tags is to read aloud. How would it sound as an audio book? Do you hear the thump?

There are a few other things that cause me to drift off to the land of milk and honey, or the land of bills and burdens, but I’m already bored with this post. It just didn’t hook me.

Can you add or take away from this list? Are you easily hooked? Or are you as impatient as I am?

Thanks for looking,

The Skeptical Hook’er

Does Your First Sentence Have What it Takes to Hook a Hook'er?

CRITIQUE UPDATE:  Before I delve into my blog topic, we here at Ready, Aim, Hook Me just want to say thank you for all the support and encouragement we’ve received so far. Our blog launch Monday, went smoother and better than we had anticipated. Submissions are rolling in and we are excited and honored to start reading your work. 

The best way for us to get our name and blog recognized is by word of mouth. If you know anyone who could use a review of their novel, send them our way. We’d appreciate it. Help us spread the word.

I heard a quote that said, “Not all stories start at the beginning.”  And I will tell you right now that great books never do.

Here are some examples: 

1)      They shoot the white girl first—Toni Morrison, Paradise 

2)      Dirk Moeller didn't know if he could fart his way into a major diplomatic incident. But he was ready to find out.—John Scalzi, The Androids Dream 

3)      It was the day my grandmother exploded—Iain N. Banks. The Crow Road

4)    I was born twice: first, as a baby girl, on a remarkably smogless Detroit day in January of 1960; and then again, as a teenage boy, in an emergency room near Petoskey, Michigan, in August of 1974.—Jeffery Eugenides , Middlesex

5)      I write this sitting in the kitchen sink—Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

6)      The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault—Jim Butcher, Blood Rites

Sure, these are the first words in these novels, but it is definitely not the beginning of the story by any means. From the opening line, the reader is tossed into the story headfirst.

For myself, that’s just the way I like it too.

Of the six books above, I’ve only read only one, but the other five have my full attention. I have a flood of questions banging around inside my head. I want to know more. I want to know why she is sitting in the kitchen sink or why the grandmother combusted or what it means that the white girl was shot first. I want to read on. I need to read on.

Isn’t that what all authors are hoping for?

Les Edgerton author of Hooked says, "Your first sentence is the door into the house of your manuscript. Do you want it to be inviting, attractive, intriquing? Or do you want one that whimpers, The Mundanes reside here. Enter at the risk of falling asleep”

Here’s the cold, hard truth: Readers, agents, editors, (and hook’ers, as well) are not obligated to read beyond your first opening line, paragraph, or page. 

You may have an exciting scene coming up in chapter two or three, but if you can’t hook your reader from the get-go, they may never even make it past page one. What a shame.

Does this mean you have to start your book with a dead body (okay, I did that in one of my novels, but it was necessary—totally not cheesy. I promise), or with a big fight scene or a house on fire? No. Not at all. What it does mean, though, is that you need to create curiosity. Whet our appetite, get the reader invested in the story by drawing them in and then revealing the story slowly over time, tugging not only at their minds but their hearts as well.  It’s a tricky balance for sure.

In a world filled with people who have short attention spans, the opening sentence becomes even more important. It will determine if a reader will purchase your book, since a lot of readers flip to the first page to see if the story begins well. It will determine if an agent or editor is willing to take a chance on you. Miss Snark, Literary Agent, had this to say, "You don't need a perfect first line. You just need a first line that doesn't make me think 'this sux'. We set things down when they're bad, not when they're not good enough.There's a big distinction. It's hard to describe. Two days in my slush pile and you'd see it clearly. If you read the first page crapometer entries one after another, you'll see it there too. Your first lines should leave the reader wanting to know more." (Miss Snark, Perfect First Lines)

So now you’re probably asking, “Oh great hook’er, tell me how to write an awesome first line, first paragraph, first page . . .”

I’m sorry to say, there is no perfect formula. I think it comes with practice and more practice and EVEN more practice. Hand your first paragraph to your beta readers and ask the question, “Does this hook you? Tell me the truth.” If you get a Holy Crap, yes! Then you know you’ve got something pretty good going on. If not, keep playing with it. 

It’s too important not to. 

By Angela Scott, "I'm NOT a hooker Hook'er"

Recommended Reads.
Hooked, Les Edgerton, Writers Digest Books
Writing the Breakout Novel, Donald Maass, Writers Digest Books

What You Got Hiding There?

Greetings!

Rabbit in a Hat Hooker here.

It’s about time, isn’t it? Our blog is up and running and we’ve got three luscious hook’ers lying in wait this very moment. Okay, so it’s not quite as tantalizing as I’m making it sound. We’re probably still suffering a serious case of bed-head and wearing nappy ole bunny slippers, but hey, we’re here and ready to assist you!

Whether you’re a scarred and marred critique veteran or just taking your first dive, we want to offer you something fresh and new.

A multidimensional critique from not one, not two, but three hook’ers at the same time!

Best of all, it won’t cost you more than an awesome story worth reading. Now that doesn’t sound so hard, does it?

I know how it is, your first time sending stuff in for critique. You’re unsure. Want to know you’re normal and not some malformed story freak.

And what happens when you expose your stuff to the world? Will they criticize you? Point and laugh? Maybe.

But take heart, dear friend. We here at Ready Aim Hook Me like to pride ourselves on our professionalism and we hope that when we’re laughing, we’re only laughing with you. That’s the best quality one can have, by the way, the ability to laugh at your own work.

I have no qualms about telling you that I annoy the hell out of the Barnes and Noble staff on a weekly basis, laughing like a caffeinated hyena when I go through critiques. My poor Critique partner (CP) looks at me like she’s ready to call up the happy wagon. I’m far from perfect. I make mistakes just like everyone else. To sulk over them only crushes my creativity.

So come on! Get brave and expose your work. Let’s play around with it and for the love of god, let’s have a good time. This process doesn’t have to be all bad. It can be pleasurable too!