Spray it! Don't Say It!

Word choice is huge when it comes to writing. In one of the Reluctant Hook’er’s posts, she did her best to convince us that even the first word is important. Some may agree, and others won’t. I know someone who would agree—pre-Katie Holmes era.

At a recent writer’s convention, the Reluctant Hook’er and I wandered from class to class in our best Hook’er shoes and listened to published writer’s on various topics. One of the things that stuck out the most, besides one ladies’ Richard Simmon’s Style Hot Pink Sparkly mess of a hat, was making sure writing is show not tell.

So what was it about Tom Cruise’s “you had me at hello”? I know it was a movie but one of the most important things to do with your words is to make us forget we are reading, make us see it—like a movie.

Right before this scene, the show-me-the-money guy made his career with a great catch and a little dance. As cameras surrounded him, he took a call from his wife. We had already seen the couple’s relationship contrasted throughout the movie. Cuba and his wife loved each other. They kissed, pawed at each other, and fought with passion, all the while, Jerry and Bridget Jones exchanged awkward glances and feigned affection.

 Jerry Maguire watched his client break down as he spoke to his wife. Jer had seen the love and devotion before. Only this time, he knew what he needed to do. We knew it too. It was a look. It was in his actions. The moment would not have been the same if he said, “I finally realize what I need to do. I need to go to go tell my wife she completes me.”

I know that sounds ridiculous and something you would never do in your writing, but I see it so many times. It’s called R.U.E. and if you’ve read my blog before you’ve probably seen it pop up. Resist The Urge To Explain in your writing. Don’t sell your reader short. We aren’t totally stupid. We get things. We can read between the lines.

Show us the need Jerry has for his wife, make us believe it, before the scene above even happens. We need the experience. We need to forget we’re reading a book. We need to root him on, still wondering if he’ll do what’s right.

So, let’s test your knowledge. Which of the following sentences is telling and which are showing?

1.    1. “I like your hat,” she said sarcastically.

2.    2.  My mind stirred with trepidation.

3.    3.  I saw the look in his eyes and I knew he wanted me.

4.    4.  The jagged pieces of broken glass reminded me of my father, unapproachable and dangerous.

5.    5. The crisp evening bit at my cheeks, freezing my tears, it was then I knew I’d always be alone.

Show me your skills if you want. Rewrite any of the sentences you think are telling. Show me the money.

Infusing your sentences with sensory part one: Smell

Morning all! Rabbit in a Hat Hook'er here.

I've mentioned my weakness for cupcakes before. A weakness enabled by my Master Cupcake Chief sister. She’s got my number and she knows it too! Anything she wants, she gets, so long as there are those paper-wrapped cakelets of evil in her hand.

I'm sure it must have something to do with their innocent, little portion size and that swirl of confectionery yumminess she calls frosting, but my brain has latched onto them. Now I can detect them from a mile away.

But it seems that I've taken my cupcake weakness to a whole new level...

Now I'm even wearing them.

On days when the sissy's not baking up a storm, I still get my fix with a soothing Cupcake lotion I found at Walmart. Eat your heart out Bath and Body, cause this stuff is awesome Aaaand  I can afford it too!

 I guess I shouldn’t be surprised to hear that food scented products like lotion are contributing to our nation's obesity epidemic. If you're wearing it for eight hours straight, the temptation is constantly under your nose. 

Our sense of smell is pretty darn powerful, and it shapes the way we experience everything. 

Every time we meet someone new, walk into a room, or step outside, our noses are there to investigate. To really pull readers into our writing, the sense of smell is essential. Its a great way to incorporate all the other senses as well.

• If a scent is so strong, it burns your character's eyes and makes them water.
• If it makes the character's tummy rumble.
• Or makes them want to toss their cookies.

 You've just Incorporated multiple senses, leading with the sense of smell, and offered your reader something to associate with. Give it a try!

R.U.E. The Day! Your Baby's All Grow'd Up

My daughter is quite the tender thing. She’s seven, and anytime we talk about her future marriage, career, or anything that involves a new address, her eyes instantly fill with tears. She’s terrified of leaving home—leaving me. I eat it all up too. I pat her on the back and wipe her tears, telling her she can live with me as long as she wants.

The truth is, I’m just as terrified of her leaving me as she is terrified of facing the world without her mom. One day, my baby will be all grow’d up and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s part of creation. Something is born; it grows and thrives; then it moves on to something else.

The same is true of writing. I won’t suggest that having a finished novel is like having a child, although to many of us it feels like that. We’ve poured everything we have into it, hoping that our efforts will pay off, that readers will see our vision—they’ll get it. It’s hard to fully let go, to put it in the hands of people we’ve never met. Will they treat it poorly? Will they appreciate its potential?

I’m not sure where the need to explain comes from but I’m seeing it a lot in the novels I’m critiquing and in submissions for this blog. Starting the novel in the wrong spot is one of the big signs to me that the writer will over explain. Often it will start with backstory or an introduction to a bunch of characters, or an info dump about the setting. Meanwhile, I’m wondering where the story is. All the details are nice, but readers want to forget they are reading. They want to experience the words rather than simply pass them by with their tired eyes. Experiences not information.

So Hook’er what do you mean by this urge to explain?

I’m glad you asked.

One way is through emotions. Are you telling your readers how your character feels or are you showing us?

           Jane wiped away her tears, depressed that she couldn’t live with her mom forever.

The sentence started with action. We see that Jane is sad. Why is she sad? What’s up Jane? But before we can experience or reflect on Jane’s sadness, our question has been answered. Jane’s depressed because she doesn't want to leave her mom.

The writer stole the experience right out from under the reader. The writer provided information. Another term for this is “telling vs. showing”. If your reader feels cheated enough, he will stop reading. I do all the time.

I don’t have a lot of time to read. Besides my own writing, I have boogery kids with noses to wipe, a husband who likes to eat, and a house that should be cleaned. Those mundane things occupy my day, and when I pick up a book, I want to escape the ordinary. I want to jump into a world and experience something new—to feel something different.

So are you explaining too much? How do you know?

Do you have long passages of narrative summary with no action? Do you describe your characters feelings or are you telling us they are mad, sad, glad? Do you start your story with the MC’s past or do you jump right into the inciting incident? Do you spend the first part of your story worldbuilding or do you allow your reader to experience the world, see the world through the POV character?

I don’t want this blog to simply come off as another don’t break the show vs. tell rule. I completely understand the need to explain, to want your reader to leave with complete understanding. To see that your “baby” is all grow’d up and that you are so proud. But it’s time to let go, time to send your baby off and let others see just how much love you poured into it, to experience it firsthand.

Have you R.U.E’d today? 

Thanks for looking, 

The Skeptical Hook’er